Is your roommate talking about bringing their parents around? Are you finally going home with your significant other? Are you worried at some point you’ll run into your friend’s parents on the quad? No worries, I’m here to help you prepare for how to interact with these adults in your lives!
- Introduce yourself as your friend’s boss. This will impress them and give you the upper hand. When your friend protests, give them a stern look and suggest that they can’t be making those kinds of jokes with their numbers from last quarter.
- Wink a lot. At least three winks per sentence.
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- Ask which side their ancestors fought on during the U.S. Civil War. If their family isn’t from the good ol’ U.S. of A., invite them to a Civil War reenactment so they can find out who they’d root for.
- Sing the national anthem when they walk in the room. Not necessarily the U.S. national anthem- the Icelandic national anthem is also a banger.
- Challenge them to a drinking contest at dinner. Bonus points if you smuggle in your own moonshine.
- Mention that they can get a subscription to the Olaf Messenger for only $60! Wow! What a steal!
- Cook them a goose. If you don’t have access to a kitchen or a good butcher, sharpen a stick and wander out into the Natural Lands. Spear an unsuspecting goose and then roast it over an open flame to help feed your friend’s parents.
- Share your baby photos. Print out some wallet-sized photos of young you and hand them out!
- “Accidentally” have a lot of condoms fall out of your pockets. Offer them some. It never hurts to be protected! (Remember tip #2.)
- Bring them to the obelisk (the memorial of Reverend Ole Fugeskjel) and weep openly for at least twenty minutes. This will help you come off as knowledgeable and worldly.
Teague Peterson-McGuire is from Oconomowoc, Wisc.
His majors are film and media studies and nordic studies.
