Sitting here thinking of you

I hate that I miss you
Your zest, that sassiness, that sunshine ray that you’ve always
been that warms winters
I hate that I have to remember it always
How can I move on when I keep running into you?
When that smile still charms me over again like the first time it
did
When those lips I never kissed still look like they are calling out
I hate that I fell this way
My body is betraying me
I used to enjoy my workouts
Now that extra set is in lamentation
I used to enjoy my chapel hymns
Now that extra decibel is masking a broken spell
I walk past you and all I wish was that I didn’t have to just walk
past you
That I could hold you, touch you, kiss you, before letting you go
I wish I could easily move on
I wish I never found you
After all, if wishes were horses beggars would ride
Love is not something we beg for, yet it is what we yearn for
What nonsense is this that I have gotten myself into?
I have award-winning work to do and yet I’m
Sitting here thinking of you for f*** sake