It’s been a while since I wrote my last Heartbeat story — the same time as last year, or at least at a similar time as last year. I learned a little more about myself when it comes to relationships, when it comes to friendships the most — the good, the bad, and the overall feelings when it comes to platonic friendships on campus.
The bad aspects of friendships are when the parties I have dealt with showed no signs of respect and regards to private information about myself to their other friends, who I also considered my own friends. The incident happened, specifically, in my second semester in February during the Posse Retreat, when I was writing something personal as I waited for my roommate to come back. To make an already long story short, I let them read the content of my journal, they then told their other friends, and retold my words on their podcast saying how they felt “disgusted” and “weirded out” to my platonic feelings to friends during the time. Hearing my words being used against me made me feel disgusted in myself and my words, so I confronted them about what they did and how I felt towards them. In the end, I felt hurt and betrayed so I no longer think of them as good friends in my eyes; setting up bigger boundaries was a top priority for the future to protect myself.
Even after this violation of my privacy and respect, this year has been a million percent better for myself when it comes to forming friendships and making friends with people around me. Honestly, it surprised me how sociable I was becoming with the people around me in my dorm and in my classes. It has brought me a lot of joy to become good friends with the people around me and has slowly made me come out of my shell little by little. I think it’s because I have roommates this year instead of living alone in a double room like last year; especially living in a pod with 12 people I didn’t know, having a stable connection with all of them has made it easier to talk to them about any kind question or issue that could arise and then make the effort to try and hang out with them. Whenever I’m comfortable of course.
Making a clearer connection between speaking about boundaries when it comes to my personal life and friendships here on-campus is something that I’ve been getting better at with both roommates and close friends.
I think I’ve just been doing better with my mental health in regards to making friends and friendships as a whole. Because of the bad incident last year, I closed myself off. I didn’t want to talk to anyone as much because of the fear and bitterness I felt. But because I was starting to get in contact with my roommates and talk to people again at my work during the summer, it made me feel excited to go back to school and make new friends.
So with all of this being said, I adore and appreciate all of my friends I have made now. They are all so awesome and are lovely people and have been so kind and sweet to me. I wish to hang out with them a lot more in the future and get to know them even better and more to the best of my ability.
