The best piece of advice I think I’ve ever received has been given to me by several people, most recently by my therapist. The advice was that comparison is the thief of joy. What this advice made me realize was that no matter who you are, what you’ve achieved, or what your
social status is, there is always going to be someone you feel is better at whatever they do than you. The cycle never ends. It’s a little ironic, because there is a good chance that whoever you might be comparing yourself to is comparing themselves to someone else too, and who knows, that person might even be you!
Now, whenever I find myself comparing myself to someone else, I reflect on my own personal achievements and things that I’m grateful for. I realize that I’ve actually had a lot of accomplishments and experiences that I might be jealous of if I didn’t have them. Instead of focusing on everything that I don’t have, I focus on the things that I do, and I realize that I have a lot more than I thought I did! I also changed the way I view the comparison. If I am comparing myself to something more arbitrary, like a score on a test, I might congratulate that person, and ask them what their study habits are instead of wallowing in comparison and self pity. Sometimes I fail to remember that everyone has done badly on a test, and that it’s okay to do poorly every once and a while. After all, the most growth comes from learning from our mistakes.
If it is something that can’t and shouldn’t be changed, like being jealous of someone’s intelligence or personality, I realize that my own personality has just as many positive attributes, they’re just different from those of another person. For example, in the past I’ve been insecure about my introverted personality, but I’ve realized it’s made me more observant and a good listener, something I wouldn’t have noticed if I hadn’t taken the time to reflect on it.
I will admit that this cycle of comparison is hard, and nearly impossible to stop. Humans love to focus on the negative aspects of themselves — it’s a survival mechanism. And like I’ve said before, this advice has been given to me multiple times. Even though it does take time, it’s important to reflect on the positive attributes that you have, because it’s not something we
usually automatically think of, which can lead to a dangerous cycle of comparison and jealousy. Instead, we can remember that everyone is going to have a different path in life, and that’s what makes life so beautiful! After all, we would be a lot less interesting if we were all the same!
