Brisket belongs on the Thanksgiving day table

By Evan Atchison

If you’ve taken a bite of Thanksgiving turkey only to realize it’s dry, tasteless, and a complete waste of space on your overfilled plate, trust me, you’re not alone. Because, let’s face it: Thanksgiving turkey is bad. For years, adherence to tradition outweighed my family’s distaste for this tasteless bird. But our adherence quickly dissipated, forcing us to remove turkey from the Thanksgiving table. As a replacement, we’ve picked a unique alternative: brisket. 

I can already sense the frustration and possible remark, “that is so southern”, but I can assure you that brisket at Thanksgiving makes sense — it even enhances the meal.

As a native Kansas Citian, brisket and BBQ are practically ingrained in my existence. Thus, I present my main argument for Thanksgiving brisket: the sides. 

Instead of sitting around your politically divisive extended family at the dining table, picture yourself at a BBQ restaurant. Yes, the brisket is the main attraction, but it’s the sides you’re looking most forward to. To your left is corn and collard greens; warm, delicious bread is across the table; and to your right is potato salad. With the brisket, the experience is magical. 

Now snap back to Thanksgiving dinner. You see green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, corn — again — and dinner rolls. That doesn’t sound too dissimilar to your dreamy BBQ experience, does it? 

After including stuffing and cranberry sauce, only poor meat — turkey — can ruin a perfectly curated meal. Thus, the tender, juicy, flavorful piece of brisket that accompanies the A-list entourage of sides creates a bite that makes the stress and awkward tension of Thanksgiving worth it. And that is why brisket is an acceptable Thanksgiving Day meat.

So, while I do not consider myself from the South, if eating brisket with stuffing blurs that line, count me in.

Turkey and takedowns: How fistfighting could save Thanksgiving

By Kiran Tator

In my opinion, Thanksgiving has always been a bit of a letdown. The only things drier and more disappointing than the turkey are the conversations with aunts and uncles as they desperately talk about the weather to avoid breaching the subject of politics. No one wants a political argument on Thanksgiving, right? Wrong.

This is where things change, guys. I think it’s time we leave these unsatisfactory times in the past, so I’d like to suggest a change. We should lean into the fighting this Thanksgiving, but we shouldn’t stop at words. Consider: Thanksgiving with fistfighting. How much more entertaining would Thanksgiving be if you were eating pie while watching your estranged gay aunt beat the shit out of your Trumpublican reddit user cousin? You could even rehash fights from the previous year over appetizers to get the vibes going. Not only would this solve the problem of awkward small talk, think of how fun the Instagram stories would be. Now, when your professor asks everyone how Thanksgiving was, instead of the usual “It was fine…” you can reply with “It was insane! Grandma Janine smashed her recently divorced husband’s face into my third cousin’s awful green bean casserole!” It would be exciting, fun for the whole family, and it would absolutely be more interesting than the Thanksgiving football game. With this adaptation, every Thanksgiving would really be one to remember.