Apple Pie

By Julia Sikorski Roehsner

You lean back in your chair with a contented groan, patting your comfortably-full

stomach. Another delicious Thanksgiving meal draws to a close. But wait, what’s this?

You forgot about dessert. Pie after pie is brought out to the table, and for a moment, you’re frozen with panic. How can you possibly choose?

Fortunately, no choice is necessary. The decision is made the minute you smell the

fragrant spices in the air and spot that trademark, deep-golden, caramelized crust. You’ll always have room for a succulent slice — or three — of apple pie.

After a heavy meal loaded with gravy, butter, and starches, apple pie is a bite of fresh air. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, as the saying goes, but apple pie doesn’t have to be healthy. Add some caramel and recall a day at the fair or top it off with a hefty scoop of vanilla

ice cream — or cinnamon ice cream, if you’re feeling especially daring. The tantalizing blend of cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and brown sugar exemplifies fall, and the best apple pies have a crispy crust unmarred by a soggy bottom — but even gooey apple juices can’t ruin this experience.

Apple pie is versatile: Unlike some pies, such as French silk, apple pie can be topped with streusel, lattice, or a simple top crust. It can be served hot or cold, fresh or as leftovers, for

dessert or for breakfast, and it pairs well with a multitude of beverages. For those who are practical, apples are also easily available all year round, and the pie itself is easy to make. When we descend into winter or re-enter the boiling summer months and you’re hit with autumnal cravings, you can whip up an apple pie as easy as… well, pie. You can stick to your sickeningly sweet sweet potato pie, one-note pumpkin pie, or nothing-but-whipped-air French silk, but I’ll be enjoying another slice of apple pie.

Pumpkin Pie

By Kiran Tator 

Picture this: you’ve just finished another incredibly fulfilling Thanksgiving meal, surrounded by friends and family and love and laughter. You’re looking for a sweet way to end the night — something easy on the palate, nothing too crazy. Maybe even something with a smoother, lighter texture. Look no further than pumpkin pie. This pie is hands down the best pie to end your Thanksgiving night with, delicious but not overwhelming in taste or texture, like some other pies in this column. I won’t name names, but it does rhyme with “bench milk.”

Now picture another scenario. You are hot, sexy, funny, and the favorite cousin at Thanksgiving. Everyone has been laughing at your jokes the whole night and your DMs are filled with incredibly famous celebrities asking when you’re free to hang out. This is an average day for pumpkin pie enjoyers. Walking into the kitchen, you’re looking forward to getting a slice of arguably the most classic pie in the game. But, to your horror, as you cut into what you thought was the most delightful cinnamon-filled, gourd-based tasty treat, you realize it’s actually sweet potato pie. Your eyes fill with tears and you fall to your knees. In your horror, you drop your family’s prized heirloom china and it shatters into a million pieces. Thanksgiving is ruined.

Each year, Thanksgiving meals around the world are plagued by sweet potato pies. Deceitful in nature, they prey off of pumpkin pie enjoyers by having a similar look and texture. But as soon as you take a bite of this pie of lies, the jig is up. The feeling of eating a sweet potato pie is equivalent to eating black-bean-based brownies or something equally horrifically vegan. Where pumpkin pie is simple, traditional, and honest, sweet potato pie is dishonest and has the same vibes as an almond mom in Whole Foods. What sick mind thought of putting spuds in a pastry? What’s more, to enjoy sweet potato pie you’d probably have to be super lame and have a weird name like “Juliet.” Or have some prestigious title like “A&E Correspondent.” Awesome people like Contributing Writers are incredibly humble, just like good old pumpkin pie. 

Sweet Potato Pie

By Juliet Stouffer

Thanksgiving is a day of many things, but for sure it’s a day of pie. It’s the one day of the year where pie is automatically better than cake. There are so many pies to choose from, but when I think of my favorite, I find myself always coming back to sweet potato pie. 

Now, I know when people hear the name of the pie they think, “What the heck? Potatoes in a pie — what is this?” But I ask you to look past the name and to just think of the flavor. A pie full of wonderful spices and the perfect combination of the smooth texture of sweet potato mixed with crisp pie crust that just melts in your mouth. I, for one, have always loved sweet potato casserole, but sometimes I get annoyed by the lack of texture throughout it. However, a sweet potato pie gives me everything I could wish for: good flavor on the palate, something different than the regular pumpkin pie, a great vessel for Cool Whip, and finally, a great combination of texture from the wonderful experience of a sweet crust and just as splendid filling. 

Pumpkin pie is available all the time during the Thanksgiving season, making the flavor feel like a cliché by the time the holiday comes around. Sweet potato pie is exactly what is needed after a long Thanksgiving meal.     

French Silk Pie

By Kathryn Looney 

Imagine this: it’s Thanksgiving dinner. You’ve been sitting at your dining room table for two hours, in between your great-aunt and some cousin from Oklahoma who kept muttering “negative 100 aura” under his breath each time you ate a forkful of cranberries with your turkey. Your great-aunt hasn’t said a word to you after you answered her “what do you plan on doing with a history major?” question with “I’m not sure yet.” You’re starting to get a migraine, and your uncle has just brought up the election results. You know that you wouldn’t be able to endure all that has passed — and will pass — until the end of this day, if it wasn’t for this: French silk pie. 

Yes, I said it. And here it comes now, floating in from the kitchen in your mother’s hands. Rich chocolate mousse filling swaddled by a sweet, flaky graham crust and topped luxuriously with clouds of whipped cream. This small slice of heaven is worth every sour glance from your great-aunt and every meaningless comment by your cousin. French silk pie would, at least, be worth it for me.

Personally, I am not much of a pie person myself. Sure, apple pie may smell nice, but apples were never made to be eaten hot, mushy, and in their own soup. Pumpkin pie may be a fall classic, but that’s where the pluses for it end; it’s just there because it’s in season. And as for sweet potato pie, why would you want to submit to trying to convince yourself a vegetable can be a dessert? Please, live a little. 

In a French silk pie, however, you get the best of both worlds. You still get the best parts of a pie crust, whipped cream, and perhaps vanilla ice cream — but the filling is a true dessert, and one that tastes wonderful. And unlike fruits and vegetables, which vary so much and can alter the pie substantially, chocolate always has a sweet, smooth, and rich taste. It is the queen of all pies.