This is my second year on the Hill, which means I have spent two Valentine’s Days watching Oles receive flowers and gifts from their significant others. For nearly 20 years, I have wondered: When is it my turn? That was until I learned about Match-o-matics as a mere first-year, and I thought it might just change my life. Spoiler alert — it did not.
The first time I filled out the Match-o-matics questionnaire, I ended up matching with many people I already knew. Oddly enough, I even matched with a few couples who had filled out the form together as a joke, meaning about six of my 27 matches were immediately off the table. The rest? Either my friends or people I had absolutely no interest in. This year was no different — except for one major change. Now, Match-o-matics allows you to match with anyone in your year or other years, regardless of your sexuality. Unfortunately, that did not improve my results. Once again, more than half of my matches were just my friends. As lovely as they are, a platonic relationship is more than enough.
Now, you may be thinking, If you want a Valentine so badly, then why are you so picky? Well, the answer is: I am not. I simply have standards — a few boxes a man needs to check before I fall head over heels (which, to be fair, I typically do before ever speaking to him). This is precisely why I found Match-o-matics’ questions to be quite disappointing. To be frank, I do not care about someone’s favorite Stav line. What I do care about is their favorite Star Wars movie or which famous person they would resurrect for 48 hours if given the chance (for the record, my answers are Revenge of the Sith and Sigmund Freud, in case you were curious).
Looking ahead to next year, I have two proposals. First, there should be a requirement to exchange contact information with at least one match — otherwise, you must go on a date with Ole the Lion. Second, the questionnaire should include less generic questions. I may have high standards, but what someone eats in the Caf is not one of them.
In the meantime, if you are a man who has a sense of humor (preferably a good one), is not afraid to show emotions, is kind, caring, has hobbies, and is not a controlling narcissist — well, it is still February, and I am still looking for a match.
