After encountering almost every man I have ever talked to this past weekend, a question started circling in my head: do liberal arts men not feel enough shame?
Now, I know that this might not be the nicest question to ask, but honestly, it is sort of a compliment. I mean, genuinely, there seems to be a rather high amount of confidence in men on this campus.
I can admit that I have had a few, let’s say, interesting encounters with men on this campus while in talking stages with them. But recently, I have been wondering how common of an experience this might be for other people. So, I went around and asked! I talked to many people to see how they have been fairing in talking stages with guys on this campus, and it seemed to be awfully common to have interesting situations. To help out, here is some advice after what I have heard.
During talking stages, when you are first getting to know someone, it is all about making a good first impression. So, maybe don’t start by calling the person you are talking to “a piece of meat,” but you also don’t have to remind a girl that they are “not an object.”Just don’t treat them like one. I mean, you could always go with the blunt route and say that you are just looking for “terrible, meaningless sex” or that you are just “begging for a pegging,” just maybe don’t say that you would take “pegging as payment.” I feel like this shouldn’t have to be said, but when you are talking to a girl in 2025, don’t say that “women should not have jobs.” Just be yourself and don’t fundamentally insult the person you are talking to.
If you are talking to someone and are not feeling it, just be up front and honest when you’re ending things, even if you were only looking for “silly fun times.” Don’t try to cushion the blow by making some excuse like you are “thinking with your d*ck too much” or “too concerned about the political and economic state of the world.” But also don’t blame it on the other person, and say they are “always talking about their past” or that they are “too shy for you,” especially if they just carried four hours of conversation with you. Honestly, as overdone as it is, maybe consider bringing back “It’s not you, it’s me.” It is simple, straight to the point, and probably the truth.
Now of course, there are good people on this campus, and this is not to call out every guy at St. Olaf. But, to make it abundantly clear, these are all real things that guys on this campus have said to people while in some sort of talking stage. And let’s really think about how easy it was for me to find stories after only a couple of days of asking around.
Circling back to this issue of confidence, I found it striking how many people seemed to hide when talking about what happened. That they had to walk in a different direction or find a new study spot to avoid the guy who said this to them. But why? The person who said the odd, rude or uncomfortable thing should be the one to feel ashamed, and yet it seems that they don’t. This is a small liberal arts campus, and these are not some stereotypical state-school frat guys. We go to a school with one cafeteria and a quad that can see almost every building on campus. Maybe before walking around campus and seeing every person you have ever talked to, take a second and think about what you have said. Just a thought.
