Illustration by Sean Rogers
You’d see me strutting down the bustling streets of Paris, my hand intertwined with a black leather leash dangling from my new pet poodle Prada’s collar. She’d be decked out in her designer doggy sweater — as seen on PretentiousPoodles.com — with “I woke up like this”scrawled in boisterous bold letters across her back. Try not to stare too long at her intimidatingly flawless coat — Au Paradis Canin just fit her in for a groom.
With each step, I’d be calculating the time interval between the “clinks” of my new Saint Laurent Opyum YSL heels: one Mississippi between each pace for the full pompous effect. Every few minutes, I’d lower my Chanel rectangle sunglasses and brandish my custom-made folding fan. Hopefully, you’d get a glance at the gold inscription that glistens “le luxe” when the sun hits it just right.
If the weather was above 70 degrees, naturally, I would leave my Ralph Lauren sheepskin leather moto jacket to collect dust and opt for my Louis Vuitton studded belt dress instead. I’d clink my way to the nearest bookstore, hand them 2,000 euros, and say, “Un de tout, s’il vous plait.”
With any change, I’d buy a summit access ticket to the Eiffel Tower and launch my remaining euros off the top. From below, you’d see delicate bills, each assuming an independent path guided by the wind. A curious kid with glasses too large and Skechers too small would look up to see 20 euros floating in their direction! They’d chase its crooked trajectory relentlessly until finally, they catch it and then pester Mom until she falls victim to their pleas for ice cream and a bubble wand.
Addie Johnson is from Stevens Point, Wisc.
Her major is currently undeclared.