It is my belief that St. Olaf’s community of lovers is bizarre compared to other schools. We are a small little pocket of horny college kids on this residential campus in this small town in this Midwestern state, and it either goes one of two ways.
One, you’re deep in a one, two, or maybe four-year relationship by now. Oles love relationships. They love holding hands walking across the Quad. They love cramming into a twin XL together. They love Friday Flowers with a cheesy note that’s like “you’re the Friday to my Monday” or something. Most of all, they can be really annoying.
Or, you’re in the second camp, which consists of navigating the awfully confusing hookup culture of St. Olaf. Should you swipe right on them, or does that put you in a precarious position the next time you want to go to Stav, or face it, anywhere? How many degrees of separation is appropriate for hooking up with a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend? Is the Carleton pool more safe? Plus, you face the awkward judgment that comes with doing anything remotely “bad” on a Lutheran, alcohol-less campus.
I myself fall into the first category, but I have been in the weeds of the Northfield dating app scene before. There’s nothing like having that one guy sending you a late night “hey” on Tinder and now you’re talking and oh God it’s already 1 a.m. and you should go to bed, but oh wait, you forgot you have a 9 a.m. with them tomorrow. Avoid eye contact it is, then.
For as much as we discuss sex and consent in first-year orientation, we have yet to master effective communication with potential suitors. I think there is still a taboo around sex here — no one wants to admit they do it or don’t, and when it comes time to court, we somehow don’t have the language to express what we want. To be fair, I think this is a commonality among university students everywhere, yet we Oles tend to be especially pursed-lipped and dodgy. Our dry campus policy gives us the instinct to lead with secrecy, and our small population prevents us from truly expressing our desires, because face it, word gets around fast, and no one wants to be the victim of slut-shaming.
I can speak for those in relationships — there’s a sort of superiority complex that comes with being in a relationship on this campus. While we have the best of intentions, sometimes there’s the prevailing thought of “thank God I don’t have to be on the apps,” or, “at least I don’t have to worry about running into a hookup.” There’s reliability and stability, and we love our partners, but those who live in glass houses should not throw stones, or whatever the saying is.
So, what will you choose, fellow Ole? Cuffed forever or the endless pursuit of mutual friends?
