Pepsi:
By Lizzie Elsenpeter
Possibly one of the most heated and long-term rivalries in all of history is the Pepsi vs. Coke debate. Dare I claim it to be even more heated than the rivalries of Carleton vs. St. Olaf or the Boston Red Sox vs. New York Yankees? This debate has dominated pop culture, and is the main sticking point in many Coke or Pepsi commercials, with both sides trying to prove that they are better than the other. Taste is subjective, of course, but in my opinion there is only one clear answer as to which one is better, and that is Pepsi. You might disagree, but there are so many reasons as to why Pepsi is better than Coke which go beyond the basic taste preference of Coke or Pepsi.
Pepsi simply tastes way better than Coke ever will — hear me out on this, because I have a point, I promise — because it has a sweeter taste to it. Beyond the basic fact that Pepsi has a sweeter, smoother taste than Coke, the rest of the Pepsi company also has better products than Coke. Are you a fan of Dr. Pepper? Then you have to be a fan of Pepsi rather than Coke, as Pepsi owns and produces Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper is possibly the best pop that has ever been made. Bold statement, I know, but I’m sure many of you are Dr. Pepper fanatics and can back me up on this, given that we are a Pepsi product school. Nothing compares to the peppery, almost vanilla taste of it, sparking joy on your taste buds and bringing a party to your mouth. Coke may seem better to some people — who have bad taste buds — but does Coke own and produce Dr. Pepper? Exactly. Pepsi will always reign superior and be the ultimate soda brand.
Coke:
By Brooke Ellis
PepsiCo and Coca-Cola are two of the world’s largest beverage companies that have been competing for shelf space, restaurant deals, and market dominance for over 100 years. But here’s the real kicker — St. Olaf College is a Pepsi Company school. Yep, you heard that right. Soda dispensers in staff areas, Pepsi vending machines scattered across campus, and bottles everywhere you look, including at the Cage and The Lion’s Pause. As a Coke enthusiast, to say I’m disappointed is like asking if a bear s***s in the woods, because let’s be real — Coke is the best carbonated drink of all time.
Now, some would say — cough cough, Lizzie Elsenpeter ’27 — that “Pepsi simply tastes way better than Coke ever will.” Well, nice try, but that’s not even close. You’re completely wrong. Coke’s smooth, balanced flavor with its subtle vanilla undertones is a masterpiece, while Pepsi’s sugary overload is like drinking straight-flavor syrup with a side of regret. Pepsi’s sweetness is so intense that it’s like playing a game of “how many cavities can I get in one sip?” After one can, I’m pretty sure my teeth are sending me a resignation letter. Honestly, Pepsi should just adopt the slogan: “Great taste, but your teeth might want to reconsider.”
Coca-Cola also has stronger carbonation than Pepsi — apologies to any Pepsi fans who prefer a soda that’s more “flat and sad” than “refreshing and alive.” Coke’s carbonation gives you that crisp, satisfying mouthful — no more feeling like you’re drinking syrup in a can.
But it’s not just about Coke being superior to Pepsi; the entire Coca-Cola product lineup is just better. Sure, PepsiCo has that wildly popular Dr. Pepper everyone’s obsessed with, but I’m here to argue that Coca-Cola’s own Mr. Pibb is still the real star of the show. It’s like Dr. Pepper’s long-lost, underrated sibling who’s actually got their life together. Mr. Pibb doesn’t need 23 flavors to get your attention — it’s got the cherry flavor you crave without overcompensating with the kitchen sink. And don’t even get me started on Starry, formerly known as Sierra Mist. You can’t convince me that it’s the more superior choice over Sprite.
To sum it up: Coke is superior in every way. Sorry, but I don’t think cavities are a fun hobby or that dentist bills are a form of entertainment. No hard feelings, though!
