Aries: There will be a moment in the upcoming week when you will feel like someone is watching you. Know that it is a squirrel.
Taurus: Within the coming days, you will meet a wizard. They will say things that make no sense. Believe them.
Gemini: You will make ceramics this week, and all your ceramics will come out of the kiln completely fine.
Cancer: You will get crabs.
Leo: I ain’t lion when I say you’re going to have a passionate love affair with Ole the Lion this week — but only for this week! Den it is over! It will not be pawsible to salvage the affair, but it will be roaring fun for the time you have together.
Virgo: Vir-GO get a sweet treat! You deserve it! I see it in your future, especially something with chocolate, like a croissant or a donut or mousse…
Libra: Your one true love will be wearing sneakers and an Apple Jacks T-shirt.
Scorpio: Hey bud — when your rude relative wants to fight with you on Thanksgiving, just imagine they are a talking turkey.
Sagittarius: Shoot for the stars, even if you find yourself just losing arrows.
Capricorn: You will have a stellar week! (NO BIAS MY BFF IS DEFINITELY NOT A CAPRICORN)
Aquarius: You’re gonna have the best week ever! (NO BIAS AT ALL I’M DEFINITELY NOT AN AQUARIUS)
Pisces: You will get a package in the mail. It will be a pumpkin. It will be rotten — when life gives you a rotten pumpkin… make pumpkin soup?
